Held Between Frames.
HELD BETWEEN FRAMES.
Quite often, a visual representation of an idea explains something to me more profoundly than any theory or verbal explanation. It hits something deeper. God bless art therapy. Sometimes Images get further than words.
I’ll share one of those big “OH” moments that genuinely shifted my perception.
It was the artwork of a person struggling within a rigid frame of limitation. I felt that struggle, and my mind expanded the image, adding another frame around it, and a gap between. Because yes, it’s exactly that: we live between frames. And that’s where the real struggle lies, not seeing the full picture.
The Inner Frame
This is the frame of our limitations. False beliefs we’ve picked up somewhere along the way—most likely in early childhood.
(Though I always like to add: maybe even before that—past lives, collective thinking from the culture we’re born into, ancestral baggage, or the stars and planets under which we are born.)
Beliefs like: I am bad, I don’t deserve, I’m unlovable, I’m a fraud, I will fail, I am not smart or talented enough, etc.
This inner frame squishes us. Tortures us. Makes us feel uneasy. We want to break out or rebel. And often, we lash out at the outer world, blaming everything and everyone else instead of looking within.
But the truth is: these beliefs were formed before we even had language. So they live in the body, in the nervous system, deep in the subconscious. We can’t always “think” our way out of them—they’re stronger than logic. And they often steer our lives in the opposite direction of what the mind says it wants.
The Outer Frame
Then there’s the outer frame.
The big, golden, beautiful one—decorated with flowers, pearls, and Instagram-level expectations. This is the ideal self. The “shoulds.”
What we should be. How life should look. Who must we become to be worthy? I can’t disappoint others. Beauty = value. etc.
This frame is shaped by culture, trends, childhood conditioning, social media, and generational fantasies.
And Then—The Gap
Between the black inner frame and the golden outer frame is the gap. And that’s where it gets loud. If your inner frame is tight and constricting, and your outer frame is full of big, shiny expectations, the gap between them will feel enormous and overwhelming. And that’s where the visitors come in.
In that gap lives:
Trying too hard – to be loved, to succeed, to be enough → burnout
Anxiety – fear that you’ll never close the distance
Shame – afraid people will notice the mismatch
Frustration – “Why can’t I just stretch and grow into that frame already?!”
Sadness – mourning the not-quite-matching expectations
Anger – at life, at others, at yourself
So... Where do we begin?
It begins with not confusing your limits with your identity.
Awareness:
Start noticing your frames. Get curious. Where did that inner black frame come from, and what is it built of? Who created your golden frame and why it choose this or that decor? Do those frames even fit you anymore?
Get curious—and let that squished person inside begin to speak.
Let them talk about the suffering, the pain, the impossible ideals, the silent feelings. And most importantly, listen to them with compassion and kindness.
Return to Reality + Embrace Imperfection.
Not the fantasy. Not the shame story. Just what is, right now. Breathe. Feel your feet. Let yourself land here—in this moment. Not to escape emotion, but to be with it. To meet it from a grounded place, not a spiralled one.
What Helps?
* Ongoing work with yourself. Self-inquiry.
* Therapy. (And by that, I don’t just mean cognitive therapy—I also mean the kinds that work with the body and spirit.) Because honestly, most of us don’t go into the black frame on our own. It’s dark in there. Messy. Shameful. Painful.And it’s guarded by Ego—a very convincing guard dog, armed with distractions, excuses, and coping tricks. That’s where therapy can help—someone who asks the right questions or uses the right tools to help you sneak past Ego’s barking.
* Or sometimes, life delivers a sledgehammer moment that smashes the whole thing open.
But we don’t really want to ignore everything and wait for that kind of awakening… do we?
Most of therapy is spent sitting in the gap—naming what we feel, going in circles for a while. Then, eventually, if we don’t run, we reach the moment of dissecting the black frame. That’s when many people want to flee. And some do flee. Because now... It’s real. And Uncomfortable.
The Outcome?
It’s realising that the biggest cage was your beliefs and expectations all along. To expand the inner frame. To minimise the weight of the golden frame’s decoration.
So the squished, contorted self can breathe and move, and have the power to flex both frames. Eventually, they become flexible. They bend. They shift.
The gap narrows—not perfectly, but enough to move freely. Enough to live.
Frames will probably always exist. But if we become the ones who shape them, not the other way around, we feel free within ourselves and the frames.
When the Frames Begin to Bend
You can try to numb or ignore the squeezed self inside the frame. You can keep decorating the golden frame, making it more and more impressive. But if the person between the frames is frozen, muted, or unseen, none of it will ever feel satisfying.
Once you’ve truly sat with your fear, shame, and doubt—really met it—it starts to lose its grip. It becomes like a fairytale you once believed as a child. The witches in the dark forest… and the warning not to go there. You still remember the fear. But now, you know it was just a story. And still, you walk into the forest. Even if a small part of you whispers, “But what if...?”
That’s how you grow the muscle.