Spare the Rod, spoil the child
* This biblical verse refers to the “rod” as a symbol of discipline or guidance, not necessarily physical punishment. Many Jewish and Christian scholars interpret it metaphorically—suggesting that guidance, correction, and boundaries are essential, not beatings. “The Rod” was also used by shepherds to guide and protect sheep, not harm them.
Across time and continents, how humans raise their children tells a deeper story about the society they are shaping. In cultures built upon man-made hierarchies, empires, and systems of domination, physical punishment was often normalised to enforce obedience and control. In contrast, societies that live in alignment with nature, spiritual values, or ancestral rhythms tend to foster discipline through connection, storytelling, and mutual respect.
**Imperial / Hierarchical Societies: Discipline Through Control**
These systems—such as Ancient Rome, Greece, Mesopotamia, and medieval monarchies—were based on power, control, and strict social hierarchy. Children were often seen as property, future soldiers, or labourers, shaped to serve the needs of the state or the patriarchal household.
In these societies:
- Obedience was critical to maintain order, productivity, and loyalty to authority.
- Corporal punishment was normalised to enforce submission and efficiency.
- Even religious interpretations were shaped to support the existing structure (e.g., “spare the rod, spoil the child” became a justification for violence).
- The goal was often conformity—not individuality, curiosity, or emotional intelligence.
In Spartan Greece, children were taken from their families and subjected to brutal discipline to build warriors. In Roman households, fathers held the legal right to discipline or even kill their offspring. Even in ancient China, Confucian teachings, while wise in many ways, allowed for physical discipline to enforce moral obedience within a rigid family order.
**Indigenous / Nature-Aligned / Spiritual Cultures: Discipline Through Connection**
By contrast, many Indigenous, tribal, and spiritually aligned cultures offer a radically different vision. These societies often see humans as part of a larger, sacred web of life, where every being has a role and a voice—including children.
In these cultures:
- Children are viewed as whole beings, born with inner wisdom and deserving of respect.
- Discipline is not about breaking will but guiding it—with natural consequences, storytelling, rituals, and relational wisdom.
- There is no urgency to “correct” a child into conformity, instead, there’s space for observation, patience, and emotional connection.
- Control is replaced with connection.
Among the Inuit, for instance, misbehaviour is corrected through storytelling or playful role-play rather than anger or punishment. In Native American traditions, parenting is often silent, respectful, and community-based, with a focus on modelling rather than force. South American tribes like the Shipibo or Aché raise children through inclusion in daily life—rarely scolding, never striking.
Even in spiritual traditions like **Islam, Hinduism, and Judaism**, original teachings emphasise compassion and guidance. The Prophet Muhammad never struck a child and taught through love. Hindu principles of ahimsa (non-harm) discourage violence, while Jewish wisdom favours education and emotional intelligence over physical discipline.
What emerges is this:
Where systems of power, empire, or patriarchy dominate, discipline is coercive.
Where cultures live in flow with nature or spiritual law, discipline is relational.
We strike a child to "teach them a lesson," unaware that what we are teaching is that **violence is how problems are solved**.
We expect respect from FEAR not from understanding.
And then we are surprised when rebellion grows from resentment—because a child hit often enough learns to hit back.
There is a deeper contradiction here too:
When hitting a child is ok, what about hitting your partner or a stranger on the street? That's violence. That's abuse.
So why is the smallest, most vulnerable person in the home the only one we’re allowed to hurt in the "name of love"?
When we punish instead of guide, we pass on the trauma of control. When we teach through love, we raise humans who do not need to UNLEARN FEAR to find themselves.