Men Don’t Cry

Why do we cry?

Why is crying acceptable for babies and young children of any gender, but suddenly, somewhere along the line, boys are told to toughen up, hold it in, "man up"? Meanwhile, girls are still allowed to cry (although often also shamed later for being “too emotional”).

These days, more parents—especially mothers—are encouraged not to immediately stop their baby from crying by feeding, rocking, or distracting. Instead, they’re invited to hold the baby, witness the emotion, and allow the tears to flow without fear.
From the beginning, this teaches something profound: your emotions are welcome here. Crying isn’t something to fix—it’s something to feel through. In that quiet presence and gentle holding, babies begin to learn that overwhelm passes, that their body can regulate itself, and that it’s safe to express emotion.

So why does that change?

Let’s step back and look at what crying really is. Let’s strip away the shame, the red nose, the puffy eyes, and all the social judgments.

Crying is a biological regulation system. A natural, built-in way the nervous system releases emotional overflow and returns to a calmer state. It’s not drama. It’s not weakness. It’s science.
When there’s too much internal pressure, we cry to let it out. Simple. Natural. Healthy.

You’ve probably heard someone say, “Cry, and you’ll feel lighter.” Or the quirky wisdom from my ancestors: “Cry, and you’ll need to pee less.” (Not sure where that one comes from, but it stuck with me. Maybe it’s true!)

Yet somehow, society keeps labelling this deeply human act. Feminine. Weak. Childish. As if the body’s natural healing process has anything to do with gender roles.

Have you ever been so numb or sad that you wanted to cry, but couldn’t? That’s often a sign you’re close to shutdown. One step from depression. And then you put on a sad movie, and the tears come—not even for your own pain, but still, the relief is real.

I asked a friend what she thought about men crying. She said, “Women love it when men cry. That’s when we see they have emotions. That they’re real. That they trust us with their soft side.”
I agree. I remember when my grandma died—I was still in my teens—and I saw my dad cry for the first time ever. I thought, Wow… he has feelings. It opened something in me. That moment of witnessing his vulnerability changed how I saw him. He became more human, more whole.

So yes, crying is not only OK. It’s necessary.

It's healing. It's self-regulation. It's nervous system maintenance. And it's for everyone—every gender, every age.

When we stuff emotions down, they don’t disappear. They get trapped, and eventually show up as tension, emotional numbness, or even physical illness. Crying lets them move. Crying clears space.

Let’s stop shaming what is natural.
Let’s stop teaching boys to suppress and girls to apologise.
Let’s welcome tears as part of being whole. Let’s witness each other more.

Even men. Especially men.